Happy New Year

It is indeed here – last day of 2009. I had meant to sleep in and go to work an hour later, but insomnia hit me again last night and I was out on the road before 4:30. After a clear and chill night with full moon, I was surprised to meet 2009’s last day in a veil of dark rain. The road and office were quieter than my estimation - another one of my surprises. I am beginning to warm up to this dreadful day after all.

I have wondered how many people dislike New Year as we do. In our younger days (or years), it was never exciting to begin with. I remember we celebrated ONCE by going out to a New Year dinner with another couple shortly after we got married. After that, it quickly became some drudgery of counting game that we hate to play. 2000 was a monumental number, or daemon, that we once considered the evil of all time as in the sense of the conclusion of 20th century, or a transition from 2-digit to 4-digit era. From the beginning of the 90’s, we had been agonizing over this doom with increasing intensity. The numbering game was played over and over each year – “imagine how OLD we will be at 2000!” A decade later, we are still playing the same game with a mournful heart more than ever, pitying at the same time our past ignorance and fear. The once dreadful “How OLD” question has become irrelevant.

Regardless, the ball will drop when the clock chimes 12 times. This year we have managed to find our usual couple friends to help us go through another wretchedness of this holiday. There will be munchies, pizza, dessert and helpful portions of spirits to ease our pain. Our accomplices, more exact, victims, are many years our junior thus we will take part in their innocence and energy and hopefully go through the dark hour less scarred. Making friends does not come easy for us, but this friendship has actually lasted for almost a year and a half with hardly any deliberate effort from our part. We think a well-concealed secret of our age is the contributing factor of the success of this relationship. The goodness of these two kind souls helps too, as they have generously extended their family to ours in many other occasions such as Easter and Christmas. For people like us, more me than him, commitment has evolved into a major challenge as we grow older. New Year’s Eve, though, is an exception. We rely on the company of much braver and jovial souls to pass through the darkness.

What is it that makes New Year such a grave evil? It’s more than the drag of changing digits on the checkbook; it’s the passing of another year, good or bad, that you can’t recall or you wish to undo. When young, it meant more than past regret. The luxury of youth tags New Year with a hope, illusion or not, for self-improvement and a future that seems too far away. It needs no champagne, firework or parade – it is a celebration itself. I remember waking up on and off in a fire cracker popping night, my young heart thudding from not only an exciting day ahead but also a rebirth of a better year or a better me. Even then, it was never about the candy, new outfits or parties; it was always about a new me, forgetting the past regret and moving on to a fantasy world where faults and sins relinquished their hold of me.

Then I grew up. Older and sadder, I found New Year out; it was never magical but an imposter with a noble name. The ghost of the past would not go away. It quickly consumed the present and a hopeful future became once again a disillusion. No, New Year changes nothing, me or this life, but 1 or 2 digits. The one and only rebirth sealed with forever guaranteed newness remains in Christ. And yes, as long as this life continues, sins shall drag on and at times cloud our visions on the surety of a perfection that does not fade or taint. Regardless, when all toil and heartaches are done, the ball shall drop once more and a true New Year will be celebrated forever for its promised affluence: a new heaven and earth with a new life that never grows old or disappoint. Until then, we will just have to make it through yet another night of torment with good friends, plenty of indulgences, and yes, hope.

Let the ball drop….