How was your weekend?

The 3:30 wake-up call went off faithfully as if the 3-day long weekend never happened. After 2 hot days of 90’s, I rose to find a house of rest, devoid of any actions from both humans and machinery such as TV, microwave and mostly the air-conditioner that had labored non-stop 2 days straight. The tranquility of the night was still lingering thick despite of my intrusion. I felt almost guilty as I tip-toed to get dressed, packed up and finally returned the house to her deep slumber.

Outside, the world was already rousing up with light traffic under the veil of the deep nightfall. I found my thoughts no less ready for yet another day, another week. In fact, I was mildly distracted with the list of work awaiting for me at the desk already. The retreat was over; it’s time to face the enemy. I was surprisingly calm or at ease. Work has been stressful with plenty on the plate, many of which are time-sensitive. What stood out in my wandering thoughts, strangely enough, was the casual or “formatted” question that anyone would easily encounter with friends or co-workers after a break: “How was your weekend?”

The interesting thing I discovered, after nearly 30 years of sojourning on this foreign culture, is that this question was no more a question than “How are you”. It is meant for a greeting like “Hi” or a smile. There is an equivalent social interaction in the culture I came from in this greeting “Have you eaten?”. The reality in questions such as these is that you are expected with another formatted answer such as “good” or “fine, thank you”. It would be eye-brow raising if you do more than that, as in going literal to explain what you actually did over the weekend. With people more than acquaintance or co-workers, you may have more latitude or room to stretch this social etiquette. Not exactly a Miss congeniality, I do have some whom I share with non-business emails and coffee at the kitchen. They were the instigators of my preoccupied or somewhat troubled mind then as far as this inquiry was concerned.

Sure enough, email from AH has arrived – predictable and plain in exactly those 4 words: “How was your weekend?” They are here every Monday and always returned with simple yet various fashion of similar response such as “fine, yours?”. I have known AH through the nearly 5 months of email exchange with an intuition that he may be more than a customer an answer like that is what suits us best. Were I to venture on with actual details, it would be uncomfortable for him and what’s worse regretful on me.

And yet, AH is not the only one that I ever play the safe card with. As I get older, I found myself shamelessly and seamlessly play this self-preserving façade with people, friends included. It is not just “How was your weekend” at work, but “how are you” elsewhere, even at church, where truth and love are preached and practiced. I may well had one of those traumatic face-on explosion at home-front, but you would be sure to see nothing but a manicured expression and well-made answer as perfect as I want the world to believe. Once the unbendable, transparent soul I was, I have evolved to the character I want the world see: reserved, happy, but most of all, master of her own domain. Being anything else, which I have definitely done too many times in my much younger and innocent days, is unthinkable, unbearable and yes most remorseful. Such pretense, though shameful to some, is hardly an overnight achievement. Age and experience are my best teachers, and yes, people too.


Why do we feel good if we look good, despite of what we really are and feel? The better question is: Why do we choose to do more when it comes to meetings or discussions but less with personal life and space? Experience has proved that it’s not that we are incapable of opening up; it’s the subject matter that determines the magnitude of our capability in this department. I used to play this game totally reversed in that I was too candid with my private life and too timid with public discussion. . For the longest time I lived as a victim of the curse of human nature, grasping outlet or sympathy in the midst of sufferings. I struggle still with self absorbing -- there is nothing more intoxicating than all eyes and ears on your exhibition even if it is your pain and suffering in display. Likewise, there is nothing more degrading than saying the less-than interesting or intelligent in a discussion of events or opinion. After many, many years of reinforcement on post performance remorse, I have actually learned to balanced out these two occasions, though not necessarily a major improvement: I clamp shut in both. The learned lesson is that: let the other people take the bait and make the plunge. If there were to be any public show of weaknesses, better them than me.

So here I am, armed and ready for another head-on with my fellow colleagues and their after weekend/vacation inquiry: How was your weekend? I know I would smile with a prepared answer: “Very good! Yours? What did you do?” Though simple yet fault-proof, that surely would guarantee my safe landing from yet another social war combat.